Monthly Archives: February 2018

Help Children in the Foster Care System

Children of all ages and backgrounds are placed into the foster care system every day for a variety of reasons. The one thing that they all have in common is that their lives have been significantly changed, and that can be frightening for many of them. Every child deserves to feel cared for and safe, and that’s why the role of foster parents is so important. However, there are also plenty of other things that you can do to help foster children in your community, even if you’ve decided that foster parenting or adoption isn’t right for you. Take a look at some of the ways you can make a difference in a child’s life below.

Look Into Mentoring

Foster children don’t generally have a lot of stability in their lives, so having a mentor that they can look forward to seeing and spending time with on a regular basis will serve to provide them with some consistency. The support and encouragement that mentors offer are vital to children who desire to know that they’re worth someone’s time. Some specific programs use mentors to help with academics or life skills, or you may just spend quality time playing games, talking, sharing a meal, etc.

Provide Respite Care

You may have tossed around the idea of becoming a foster parent and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the best situation for you and your family, but there are many types of foster care placements that don’t have to be long-term. Numerous children need people who will take them in under respite care, which is reserved for short-term, emergency situations. As a respite care provider, you may receive a child that has just been taken out of their home and must find a place to stay for 24 hours, or you may be a source of relief for a few days for biological or foster parents who are dealing with difficult situations.

Volunteer Your Time

Aside from mentoring one particular child, there are many other opportunities for you to volunteer your time to the foster care system. This may include driving children to and from medical appointments or visits with their birth family; spending time at a local foster organization and helping with meal preparation, reading to kids, wrapping presents, organizing donations, etc.; and/or taking professional-looking photos of children waiting to be placed in a foster or adoptive home.

Make a Donation

Foster children often leave their homes with very little to none of their clothes and personal possessions. There is always a need for donations in good condition in the form of clothing, toys, books, games, toiletries, luggage, and school supplies. You can contact child welfare agencies and children’s homes in your area to get a good idea of specific items that are needed. Organizing a donation drive or fundraiser is also welcomed.

Connection in a Struggling Relationship

Why do couples struggle to stay intimate?
This is a question that baffled me when I started working in this field. Many women would say to me “what do I do when the feelings in a marriage are gone?” or men I work with to save their marriage would share “when a marriage is over to one person can you get it back?” I wanted to know why when the feelings in a marriage are gone can they not be restored with focus and effort. The good news is they can, the problem is 3 main things stop couples from reconnecting which I will explain in this article.
Most people if asked: “Is intimacy in a relationship important to you?” Would answer yes absolutely yes.
Yet I found individuals and couples don’t even focus on it when they think the marriage is over!

Individuals need intimacy is it one of the basic human needs according to many psychologists and wellness experts. This is supported by Anthony Robbins who studied universal human needs and in the basic 4 needs was a need for love and connection. Dr Stonsy PhD claims that intimacy is also crucial to normal human functioning and can help ward off depression, aggression, and calm anxiety.

A relationship needs intimacy, otherwise it will slowly wither and die. Sadly I see this time and time again when individuals or couples come to me with their marriage in crisis there is always a break down in intimacy. Divorce statistics support this, lack of intimacy and connection is often to blame.

What amazes me is if we all value intimacy in a relationship and recognise it as important for a lasting loving close relationship. Then why aren’t couples able to restore it in relationships once it has been broken or lost?

There are 3 main reasons I have found for why couples struggle to get back their intimate connection when a relationship breaks down. I will outline them and give you some tips.

Men and Women View Intimacy Differently

One of key reasons why hetro-sexual couples find it hard to get intimacy back is because
men and women have differing views of what it means to be intimate. Having helped countless couples save their marriage now, I often ask men and women separately what does being intimate mean to you? On average here are the answers (of course there are always exceptions).

For men intimacy is:
A physical connection
Foreplay
Holding hands, hugging and kissing
Physical time alone together
Sexual intimacy
Doing things together

For women intimacy is:
An emotional connection
Sharing important issues
Listening to things about their husband’s day
Being able to cry about emotional events and experiences together
Being emotionally aware when feelings are hurt
Knowing one another’s hopes and dreams

Men tend to associate intimacy as being physical, touching and sex and for women it is more about talking intimately face to face. Helen Fisher PhD claims that this is a “behavior that probably evolved millions of years ago when ancestral females spent days holding their infants up in front of them, soothing them with words. She found similar to me that Men, often regard intimacy as working or playing side by side”

ry To Change Others When They Feel Worthless

If one was to think about the people who they spend time with, they may find that they feel comfortable in their presence. What this could show is that these people accept them as they are.

Acceptance

There is then going to be no reason for one to feel as though they need to put on an act. As a result of this, one is going to feel good when they are around them, and they will feel good when their time together comes to an end.

To have these kinds of people in their life is naturally going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. The feedback that they get from them will nourish their self-esteem, and it will then be a lot easier for them to achieve their goals.

The Right Nutrients

Therefore, in the same way that eating the right food will allow one’s body to function in the right way, being around the right people will make it easier for them to be at their best. If, on the other hand, one was their own island, it wouldn’t matter who they had around them.

But as one is an interdependent human being, this is not something that can be overlooked. When it comes to how one sees themselves, the people they spend time will play a big part.

An Important Area

However, even though the people that one surrounds themselves with play a big part in their life, it doesn’t mean that this is something that receives the attention it deserves. For example, it is not common for the mainstream media to talk about how important it is to eat the right food.

What this source is unlikely to talk about is how important it is to spend time around the right people. If one was to spend time around the wrong people, it might not matter what they eat.

Undermined

When one has people around them who accept them, this could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. If they were to come cross someone who doesn’t experience life in this way, they might wonder what is going on.

If they know them, they could ask them why they don’t find people who will treat them better. The other person could listen to what they have to say, or it could end up going over their head.